Introduction Guide – Rebalancing the Chakras

The Heart – Anahata chakra

Ironically; in relationships the overactive and the underactive heart chakra people will find each other and become entangled in a co-dependency relationship. If we have an excessive heart chakra we might be the one that ends up doing all the caring in the relationship; giving and nurturing for the needs of the receiver who might feel suffocated and tends to retract from the relationship just enough the feel his/her autonomy but not enough to break the relationship because their needs still need to be met. This endless loop can be exhausting and difficult to break free from. The first step as the giver is to start taking better care of ourselves and focus all of our love on ourselves. If you are the receiver it might be time to investigate your old wounds. This in turn might break the cycle with or without the relationship surviving this breakthrough.
Physically it can lead to poor blood circulation, high or low blood pressure, allergies, asthma and sensitivities for infections such as the flu.

I used to think self-love was selfish. As a child I was already very sensitive to other people’s emotions and from a very young age I learned how to take care of their emotions. I grew up in a family in which sensitivity was not something to be proud of. “Toughen up”, my father used to say. “Do not over exaggerate, this is not about you” my mother usually said. Growing up with emotionally unavailable parents who were too busy destroying and then repairing their highly explosive relationship, I often felt unsafe, unseen and unheard.

So I developed a coping mechanism to make my life better, safer, nicer and started taking care of my family members so fights would calm down quicker and I could feel safe again. I became the mediator of the family. I quickly learned to analyse situations, emotions, became a great listener and able to tune into the needs of others. I even made it my job to cater for others and now I can even say I became quite good at it.

But every positive has its negative and my self – developed superpower became my greatest weakness. I had no boundaries, was always there for other people. I was in a constant state of alertness so I could avoid situations where people could get angry, were unsatisfied or unhappy. This left me depleted and I struggled for a long time with anxiety issues.

In one of the self-help books I read that we need to love ourselves more “because without taking care of yourself you cannot take care of others” You cannot drink from an empty cup. Great I thought. So I started making a list of self-love habits to do on regular basis: I took massages, pedicures, ate healthy, started a vigorous yoga practice with Bikram Yoga, did meditation twice a day, took more time for me, took myself out on dates, the list goes on and on. But still I felt a hole in my heart. And then one day I read this quote from Mahatma Gandhi: “you feel happiness when what you think, say and do are aligned” and then it clicked in my head. I do not talk to myself as if I am my own best friend. I still feel I am being selfish when I say no and I am still critical when I feel my flaws are showing up. I can be moody, impatient and insecure and I did not like that part of myself at all. I would never let anyone ever see that side of me and covered it up by providing for their feelings instead. I knew that if I really wanted to heal this dark old wound I had to start showing up for me. Lovingly welcoming these feelings, acknowledging them and comforting myself that it was OK to have these feelings.

As I was lying on my yoga mat one day I heard the yoga teacher saying ’open your heart’. It wasn’t the first time I was trying to do so. I focused hard on the chest area; I wanted it to burst open and feel love all around me. I felt as if I was in a Nike commercial. “Just do it” I repeatedly said to myself and I felt again inadequate for not succeeding. To be able to love ourselves, we have to face ourselves. All of us. Once we have faced it, we can slowly start to deal with it and then we can integrate it and start loving ourselves more and more. Somethings we will never be able to let go and heal completely and that is OK too. We all have cracks from past hurts. The trick is to heal enough so we can keep our hearts open. Healing and loving ourselves more is not a linear process. There is no end game, no price to win and no monster to slay. Healing is circular and evolving every time and sometimes it can get messy and dark indeed.

The one thing I learned on my journey though is that no matter how many self-care practices you include in your life we have to take the responsibility for our healing into our own hands. Yoga, meditation or any other of the routines you include in your life to love yourself and take care of yourself will only be a band-aid on an old wound if you don’t increase your consciousness on your true self.

So why is this self-love so important? The moment we start healing ourselves, we start loving ourselves more and we stop projecting our pain and our fears unto our partners, friends and family. That in turn improves our relationships which will lead to more inner and outer peace and happiness.

Are you ready to embrace all of yourself?